Day 5 no smoking. That nicorette, as disgusting as it tasted the first day, sure does work. It's not nearly as awful now as it was on day one. Now I'll just be addicted to that! And Yogurtland!

My girl turned three on Sunday and we had a wonderful party with our family and a handful of friends. Our family is ginormous. Actually, my family's ginormous, his is just normal sized. Everybody said how wonderful the food was, we grilled up burgers and chicken, had watermelon and corn and potato salad with a cookies and cream chocolate ice cream cake for dessert. I learned something new, blue icing turns your mouth blue and stains your fingers. Word to the wise.

We got home in the late afternoon, hosed off the birthday girl and spent the rest of the day playing with new toys, trying on new clothes and eating leftover party food. I think the girl ate half a watermelon all on her own. Some of her favorite things include a pink pincess dress, a veterinarian kit, a small foam puzzle and mommy's peronal favorite, a mini trampoline circut trainer. (I've used it the last two mornings for a twenty minute wake-me-up work out)

This is her first birthday where I didn't drink after the party. Growing up in my family we never drank at kid parties. I mean, my mother never offered beer or wine or sangria to the adults, she just didn't think it was right so naturally I felt the same way. As much of an alcoholic as I am, I never offered alcohol at my daughter's parties, but I always drank afterwards. Safe, at home, long after the presents had been unwrapped and the guests had all gone home I'd pour a big, lovely glass of white wine and begin checking out. I'm almost positive that by the end of the evening I'd be in that thick, fog. I can't remember tucking my daughter in on her birthday night years one and two. I remember three though. I snuck in there and took a picture of her in bed snoring away surrounded by her pals Jessie, Woody and Bullseye. And I curled up next to her dad, another gift I get in sobriety. My family whole and together and under one roof, it wasn't always like that you know, and we talked about how awesome our girl is and how lucky we are to have one another again.

Sometimes the day goes by too fast. I don't take the time to remember how magical my life is. I forget to ask my higher power for the willingness to do Their will today, not my own. Sometimes I'm hurried and stressed out and tired. I yell when I shouldn't, I forget to take deep breaths remembering that this too shall pass. I have a feeling it may always be that way, I just hope that I have more days like Sunday, where the stress just vanishes and for the day it's about all the great loves in my life. Smiling, having fun and enjoying the time I have.

Sobriety isn't always rainbows and sunshine, sometimes its tough. Sometimes it's hard and completely shitty, but it's really difficult to remember the hard and shitty times when the majority of what sobriety has brought to my life is amazing. It's fucking amazing and I wouldn't want it any other way.